A clumsy ruin

A clumsy ruin         

 

“If  you had not appeared when you did I'd be dead " said Thamie to herself.

 In her agile mind she was being chased by people neither she, could not describe or make sense of .She always used to tell everyone how protected she felt each time she felt something threatening around her. It felt as if she was being guarded. But these days she didn't  feel her guard's presence anymore. " Maybe he too got tired of her constant wailing". These "episodes" Thamie had been experiencing had been going on for a while now  and every member of her family had  gotten tired of hearing her tales and fled each time she would come home from work, because to them, Thamie was just another clumsy ruin who would do anything for attention.

 

Her brown lips clasped together as she ran through the gate that afternoon.  "should I tell them or not" she fought with her mind, trying to gather enough courage tell them what had overcome her that day. Just as she was trying to decide to share her news, it was a little too late and she began gasping for air." It happened again “she said to her father and began scratching her hair indicating an irritation.

 “As old as her father was he had no time to listen to tales and always mentioned how near he felt to the heavens, so in his view he didn't want to waste any of his time listening to one of Thamie's tales. So he upruplty excused himself and slowly limbered away”

 

She shrugged in disappointment and was immediately  met by a bunch of piercing curious eyes Infront of her, scrutinizing every fibre of her being, she shrugged, she knew how she felt each time she had what they call a “Psychotic episode”. Her family members would usually stare, make snide remarks of how crazy she sounded with all these tales of being chased.

She stopped scratching her head and began recalling the kid she saw in the bus today, he looked so familiar. His watery mouth and chubby cheeks, his curly hair, he looked like a healthy two year Old’s, he tasselled and moved his way out of his mother's hand and quickly made his way to Thamie. She couldn't believe it. She was just too excited for words. She used to be this excited in a daily basis before she lost her son to a brain tumour. Death does things to people. She didn't feel crazy but there was this thing she's recently experiencing, which brings chills down her spine when she just thinks about it. She felt like he was being chased. By something she herself could not explain.

 

It’s the loss of her son, it slowly made her memory fade. She never loved anyone like she loved him.

The little boy’s mother called him and he gave her a wet kiss on the cheek. To other’s it might have been a plain sight, but to her it was Life’s way of communicating with her, telling her that she will be alright.

 

She stood there and said to her family; “you never try to understand me do you?”

They just looked at her in confusion. Kayla her Elder sister, Martin her elder brother and Aunt Kathy who always had something to say, just sat there on the old wooden bench under the grape tree, in disturbing silence.

For never they  cared to know the pain of a grieving mother, who just wanted to go on with life with hopes that things could be the same again, and that she wasn't the topic of discussion at every family meeting. She wanted things to go back to normal, to those warm Sunday lunches that consisted of fried chicken, mash and gravy with Aunt Kathy's malva pudding to finish it off.

 

Nevertheless, since that little boy’s hug on the bus, Thamie no longer feels like anyone’s chasing her.

Although she still hears chatter’s of laughter, in a distance, she now just smiles when she hears them.

The universe was trying to tell her to stop running away and face the matter at hand. No one was chasing her. Her "FEARS" were. 

 

-MisssMinnie