Notable beginnings

It’s hard really, difficult even. The optimistic view we have over dreams that seem real yet feel distant all due to a prevalence of a society of young beings brought up with no one to nudge them and tell them they have an ability.

 Think about it really, if self-affirmations recited by ourselves have such a positive impact, what more if it came from somebody else, someone you looked up to. Due to societal changes and vast influences surrounding media, particularly women have been victim to validation, men have also experienced this although it’s something not openly spoken about, but it takes form in the way they handle themselves when doing roughly anything concerning change, it’s always followed by connotations of self-doubt, hidden behind power suits and in the case of women, heavy make-up.

The fragments that still has to be restored from educating a young generation that neither circumstance nor financial status has an influence on pursuing a dream seemed relentless but are doable.

Staying informed gives added advantage, giving you the ability to draw from what you know, follow through and get it done.

Like a fresh painted wall, the residue and stingy scent won’t remain a thing of the past if the windows are kept shut. Trust me, if you’re destined for greatness, it will gnaw at the back of your mind till you do something about it.

You’ll try to ignore it yes, but years later you’ll recite the same story to your grand kids about who you wanted to be, although grey and fairly wrinkled now. But full of wisdom kept and never dispersed, do you only realize you should’ve set your mind to it, and did what needed to be done.

Reluctance of any kind should be a thing of the past. Satisfaction offer’s far more reward that will undeniably surpass any gratification.

So whether you’ve been nudged lately or not, take it upon yourself to peel away layers of uncertainty, and open door’s that have trails of any possibility worth giving a shot.

Maybe one day when you’re really old and grey you’ll have the courtesy of telling your grand kids a different story. And when they look at you with eyes that carry willingness but hesitation, you won’t look away with regret, you’ll pull them up on your lap and recite what the great Maya Angelou said to them “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”.

If you’ve found your purpose, don’t sleep on it. Refuse nonchalance, break the barriers of waiting to be told you’re great at something you already know you’re good at.   

MissMinnie.

Familiar Echoes

 “Be open to the echoes of wisdom, its truths will reveal itself in time”

 - Unknown

In a recent song I’ve played over and over in my playlist I came across the art of Suppression, its nothing new really, a couple of people have probably been subject to it for over decades now, without their knowledge. I hastily opened my dictionary and tried to make sense of it. I was certainly alarmed when it read:

Suppress:

•         Forcibly put an end to
•         Prevent the development, action, or expression of (a feeling, impulse, idea, etc.); restrain.
•         Prevent the dissemination of (information), to conceal, to keep hidden.

I was rather alarmed when it said “to forcibly put and end to” I, for one can relate to that meaning but it’s too daunting of a task for anyone to do. Life is meant to be dealt in a way that offer’s closure if not peace of mind at the end of every decision or choice made. Resorting to suppression in any form, whether emotional or for personal reasons is never advised.

I always wondered how I would deal with things that involved my emotional well-being. After all “flesh and spirit” is what we possess, and what we put in is entirely up to us.

And after a while you begin to pay attention to the lines that appear near your mouth when you smile. How your eyes beam at good things. And how they seem to fit. And you wonder if concealing it, is right. Pain may be inevitable, it does however have a remedy.

The song in my playlist echoed at the back of my mind, and I did not find myself nodding in regard to what Anita baker was saying in her 1983 ballad “No more Tears”.

In the second paragraph after the chorus she sings:

“Ain't no more sadden eyes

From crying through the night

Gonna gather up, gather up my feelings

And lock them all inside

So when you say you're leaving

And you walk out my door

I can truly say to myself

He cannot hurt me anymore

And I know I should be crying

But inside I'm slowly dying

'Cause all my love has gone

From two hearts so badly torn”

 Her’s was a yearn, an ache of love lost, love hoped for and love never subdued accompanied by the willingness to move on. The suppression of emotion layed out in those lyrics are generated from what most are acquainted with, Yes, A Relationship. It’s undeniably evident when they read “And I know I should be crying”.

Psychology has proved that avoiding your emotional wellbeing usually catches up with you, it lingers on  long after you’ve moved on with your life and appears in the most unexpected instances; in the way you carry yourself, how you communicate, and what you’re willing or not willing to endeavour in. For lack of a better example suppression is like a bad tooth, you can’t avoid the dentist forever.

 In a nutshell Trauma, Personal ordeals and fears are not supposed to be concealed.

Whatever helps you sleep at night

Small talk? Not sure I’m quite fond of it anymore. But I’ve learned that it helps break the ice between strangers, or make the que in a grocery store move quite faster. I was once a vast contributor to this polite conversations about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, wherever I walked, who I saw or even in a formal setting. I’d always have something to say. A friend of mine said she used small talk to her advantage, as a small business owner she has acquired great leads and prospects from engaging in small talk.

But trust me not everyone feels the same about it. Well I slowly retracted to engaging in small talk when I met people who delve a bit too much into the conversation with YOU as the topic of discussion. Trust me there’s a limit to what you can and may ask a stranger or an acquaintance, personally I’ve had my fair share of being grilled just by being polite and smiling to someone.

A recent encounter I’ve had with the topic at hand was with a woman in her mid-fourties, she was behind me in a que at a grocery store.

Curiously scanning my trolley she saw a magazine she had brought a few days ago and quickly commented that she didn’t like the person on the cover, I grinned politely and went back to what I was doing. Persistent as she appeared to be, she continued as said “Well, I won’t be purchasing this magazine anymore, it lacks substance and they have just lost it respect for, completely “

I loosened up and began commenting on how they changed editor’s and so forth. She nodded in agreement, but something didn’t quite feel right, because when I looked into her eyes, attempting to make eye contact, she kept looking away.

 I approached the till point, and brushed it away, thinking it must be a natural reflex.  I mean how many people do I know that look one another in the eye when they speak? I used to love practicing that with people, “The looking each other in the eye thing” and in my mind who ever looked away first lost the challenge. 

Nonetheless, I approached the till and completed my transaction, just as I was about to exit the store, she came running after me. “The woman “

At the corner of my eye I could see someone was approaching me, but who pays attention to such in a grocery store full of people.

Heyyy, she yelled at me. And my feet just could not stop moving. I kept walking she finally caught up and asked me to sit and began pouring her entire worries and problems on me. Her divorce, and how she drank herself in a pulp each night, trying to deal with being alone and not having anyone to talk to”

“You felt comfortable telling me that? Something so personal” I raised my voice in concern.

“Well if you’ve been through what I’ve been through, you’d do whatever makes you sleep at night”, she said.

A sudden urge to empathize swept over me, I told her to be strong and that things have a way of working out on they’re own. Yes, “  I honestly didn’t know what to say, I admit, I’ve never been in her situation”.

We parted ways, To this day, I’m afraid to make small talk, mainly due the fact that sometimes, people’s problem’s are better kept, sometimes we all don’t have the answer’s and offering an ear, may do more harm than giving  a shoulder to cry on.

Because we all are constantly waiting to find an answer, to why some don’t sleep at night.

Let’s not wait for the sun to shine in, but let us open the curtain’s and it shall be so.

_MisssMinnie

Exploring Fulfillment

Fulfillment means the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted but to others it means being in sync with what you have achieved and knowing you’re developing your goals in order to reach a place of complete contentment and possibly solitude. But for some it mainly involves an ongoing process of climbing the corporate ladder and building a future only they envision.

Some of these women that have caught my attention and not only on a fictional basis, since they are  characters that we are exposed to and only exist on popular television series’ but in real life these women portray feminism on a scale seldomly endeavored . They are have worked very hard to be where they are. It not only gets me excited knowing that they’re living they’re dream while relating to ordinary women like us. They know that quality entertainment is be measured by the sheer force of creativity and the commitment they bring to the viewer’s.  

Who ever thought that day time television would be so REAL and enlightening, especially to issues that affect women daily. They touch on topics that some producers turn a blind eye on. Well for those who don’t really follow these programme's , allow me to bring you up to speed.

§  Being Mary Jane (Starring  Gabrielle Union as Mary Jane)2013 BET PRODUCTION   :

 Mary Jane Paul, a successful cable news anchor who has a closet packed with designer clothes and shoes, a beautiful home, a nice car, and the drive to achieve even greater heights. Yet something is missing.

§  Scandal (Starring Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope) 2012 ABC PRODUCTION            : Olivia Pope, a former media consultant to the president, is ready to move on with her life and opens her own crisis-management firm, but she can't seem to shake ties with her past, where she then falls in love with the President and gets consumed by this affair.

§  How to get away with murder (Starring Viola Davis as Annalise Keating) 2014 ABC :

 Annalise Keating is a prominent criminal defense attorney and a law professor at Middleton University in Philadelphia. One would be appalled at her work and how well she handles her cases.

How exactly are these women relevant to fulfillment you may ask? Well they, like” you and me” are ordinary women who live and maintain extraordinary lives.

Mary Jane is a woman many can identify with, she’s smart, compassionate and driven. But due to society, this woman is ridiculed upon, mainly because of her preferences, the way she does things, this woman is not a follower but she is a leader. She knows what she wants and how she will get there. She would be bold enough to say “I planned my success, I knew it was going to happen”. As the story unfolds you learn after all her efforts on building her career and making a name for herself, she yearns for a partner, and kids and preferably white picket fence or some fancy fencing made out bricks. Well we all know what she wants, yet after so much hard work she always seems to find herself with a glass of Merlot on her couch, sobbing and wishing things were different and after a long struggle of relationships she realises she just wants her life to be the way it is, what should come, will come.

Ms. Pope!!! Oliva Pope is one of my favourites, she’s considerate and shows remorse when needed and with eloquence she knows where to draw the line except when it comes to herself. Familiar isn’t it?  However she fails to be kind to herself, she is attracted to power and authority which there is nothing wrong with, but the mistakes she makes is falling for another woman’s husband. It may have been both their decision but in a world that offers freedom of speech even when ‘slanderous, Mrs Pope will have to take the backlash of having an affair with a Married man, especially one who is under extensive public scrutiny. If you ask me, there’s is nothing attractive when it comes to destroying another person’s marriage and it no topic to tip toe over. Regardless of how much many of us would disagree with this but at the end of the day it’s a reality. It’s happening, it’s part of life and not for us to quarrel over. Besides this flaw Ms.Pope carries herself well and her work speaks for itself, she always wins her cases and feels a sense of reward from it. She worked hard for what she has and never depended on anyone and only she knows the price you have to pay.  I learned that “what good deed you do, will immediately be overshadowed by your actions” I may see her for who she is, but other’s will not bother, just because of her private affairs.

Lastly, using only two words to describe this next woman, she is strong and poised.

Annalise Keating, although it took her a while to be recognized in the television industry she made quite the impression when she dived in, she did everything with passion.

Her role in How to get away with murder portrays that of a woman who does not back down. She was not born a leader but her skills projections toward other’s carry authority.

She reminds me of a woman we all would love to be but have not realized that we already are “that Woman”. She demands what she wants and does not depend on anyone to pick up after her. She knows she is responsible for her own happiness, she cries when she needs to, and quickly moves on. She enjoys what she does and is always on guard. Sadly they struggled with having kids of they’re own, which put a strain on her marriage. As the story unfolds, you learn that she growing up, Annalise didn’t really have much, but she made a name for herself.

She fought and did not give up.

So maybe like Mary Jane you’re looking for love and have kissed nothing but frogs, or you’re like Olivia Pope and can’t rid yourself of harmful ties that deter your progress, or perhaps you’re like Annalise you saw who you are and are not willing to let your past dictate your circumstance. At the end of the day we’re women and we can relate on other platforms that don’t include the stretch marks on our bellies or the triumph of the bruises we had on our faces. We are Women.

Strong-Compassionate-Unpredictable. 

MisssMinnie

A clumsy ruin

A clumsy ruin         

 

“If  you had not appeared when you did I'd be dead " said Thamie to herself.

 In her agile mind she was being chased by people neither she, could not describe or make sense of .She always used to tell everyone how protected she felt each time she felt something threatening around her. It felt as if she was being guarded. But these days she didn't  feel her guard's presence anymore. " Maybe he too got tired of her constant wailing". These "episodes" Thamie had been experiencing had been going on for a while now  and every member of her family had  gotten tired of hearing her tales and fled each time she would come home from work, because to them, Thamie was just another clumsy ruin who would do anything for attention.

 

Her brown lips clasped together as she ran through the gate that afternoon.  "should I tell them or not" she fought with her mind, trying to gather enough courage tell them what had overcome her that day. Just as she was trying to decide to share her news, it was a little too late and she began gasping for air." It happened again “she said to her father and began scratching her hair indicating an irritation.

 “As old as her father was he had no time to listen to tales and always mentioned how near he felt to the heavens, so in his view he didn't want to waste any of his time listening to one of Thamie's tales. So he upruplty excused himself and slowly limbered away”

 

She shrugged in disappointment and was immediately  met by a bunch of piercing curious eyes Infront of her, scrutinizing every fibre of her being, she shrugged, she knew how she felt each time she had what they call a “Psychotic episode”. Her family members would usually stare, make snide remarks of how crazy she sounded with all these tales of being chased.

She stopped scratching her head and began recalling the kid she saw in the bus today, he looked so familiar. His watery mouth and chubby cheeks, his curly hair, he looked like a healthy two year Old’s, he tasselled and moved his way out of his mother's hand and quickly made his way to Thamie. She couldn't believe it. She was just too excited for words. She used to be this excited in a daily basis before she lost her son to a brain tumour. Death does things to people. She didn't feel crazy but there was this thing she's recently experiencing, which brings chills down her spine when she just thinks about it. She felt like he was being chased. By something she herself could not explain.

 

It’s the loss of her son, it slowly made her memory fade. She never loved anyone like she loved him.

The little boy’s mother called him and he gave her a wet kiss on the cheek. To other’s it might have been a plain sight, but to her it was Life’s way of communicating with her, telling her that she will be alright.

 

She stood there and said to her family; “you never try to understand me do you?”

They just looked at her in confusion. Kayla her Elder sister, Martin her elder brother and Aunt Kathy who always had something to say, just sat there on the old wooden bench under the grape tree, in disturbing silence.

For never they  cared to know the pain of a grieving mother, who just wanted to go on with life with hopes that things could be the same again, and that she wasn't the topic of discussion at every family meeting. She wanted things to go back to normal, to those warm Sunday lunches that consisted of fried chicken, mash and gravy with Aunt Kathy's malva pudding to finish it off.

 

Nevertheless, since that little boy’s hug on the bus, Thamie no longer feels like anyone’s chasing her.

Although she still hears chatter’s of laughter, in a distance, she now just smiles when she hears them.

The universe was trying to tell her to stop running away and face the matter at hand. No one was chasing her. Her "FEARS" were. 

 

-MisssMinnie

 

If shadows could speak

If shadows could speak

"While you thought you were not good enough and sounding like an over played record this is what really happened said Shannon to her sister who suffered the intense emotional trauma of a cheating fiancé ".

Lucy and Shannon grew up in a small town and all they were subject to was a good household with strong family values and a solid church foundation combined with a good college/university degree and the support of their single mother whom their late father left with sufficient resources to take care of his three girls. Shannon studied law, while Lucy opted for Medicine. They're mother Mrs. Betsie couldn't be prouder that she had raised strong young women who had a zeal for life and a future that couldn't look much brighter than it already seemed.

 Mrs. Betsie sat relentlessly on the chair she had almost sat on for the past eighteen years, a chair her husband had made from scratch with his bare hands. The hands that helped her have what he had today she thought to herself, she sat up straight on it, although every time she moved a squeaking sound emerged indicating how worn out it was, and with being a widow for almost eighteen years now she didn't have luxury of having a man's handiness around the old yard. Shannon announced by a brief phone call that morning that she and her sister Lucy were coming home for the holidays and Lucy had a surprise for her. Mrs. Betsie silently hoped Lucy had finally found herself a good gentleman who would take care of her fragile self.

And so it became that evening, Lucy brought a guest along, Mrs. Betsie couldn’t be happier to finally have her daughter home. Shannon arrived seconds later, just in time to meet Lucy at their mother’s door.

“Oh my!! Shrieked Mrs. Betsie, is this what I think it is? “Pulling her daughter’s hand closer to assess the big rock on her ring finger”

“Yes Mama”, said Lucy with contempt in her voice.

“Careful now” said Shannon to Lucy, who wasn’t aware that her sister was standing right behind her, as she tried to take a step back to allow her ring to be examined in enough patio space. 

Shannon has always been there for Lucy, and she was rather surprised that Lucy decided to get engaged and not bother to inform her.

“You weren’t aware”? Said Mrs. Betsie, to Shannon, who looked like she had just seen a ghost.

 If she could turn back the hands of time she would not only recall how Shannon seemed to always be there for Lucy, even when she least expected it. She was there when her little sister got bullied, almost broke her arm and finally there for her at the most pivotal stage of her life back at university. "My dear "Shannon” always so meticulous and cautious Mrs. Betsie thought to herself.

 But how was she about to break it to her little sister “Lucy” who is not little anymore, that the man standing before all of them was a man she knew very well, a man who had been having his dinners at her place and only leaving before midnight to return to his fiancé . How?

They never shared much as sisters, they're relationship wasn't necessarily transparent but they knew when to look out for one another. They're mother interrupted Shannon’s thoughts and asked that she would take her sister's fiancés bag and not be a rude host. Shannon tried by all means, to not make eye contact with this man who played them all for a fool, and took the bags from his hands. They briefly all gathered at the dinner table and Shannon tried by all means not to sit across this man who felt like a stranger now, more than a lover she became accustomed to. She recalled how many times Lucy had asked her to come meet her new found boyfriend,but she was always too busy. How would she explain to her sister that she was blindsided about his man's relationship status and she had fallen in love" but nonetheless that's no excuse she thought to herself, this man should've been honest. She was no secretive person all right so she hurriedly asked her sister to join her in the next room and said to her  :

“You were good enough, but this man you came with today, he’s about to create raft so deep between us, that no relationship would not survive, the question were faced with here is whether or not we knew how scandalous and selfish this person we thought we knew, was" This awful selfish man was now inhumane in Shannon’s eyes. But Lucy, She sat there in disbelief, shedding a tear that carried a million stories that she could not articulate, she just sat there, in silence. "She really didn’t know love at all.”

-MisssMinnie

A station of hope.

Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large, meaning we choose to be hopeful, like happiness, it’s up to the forever worried, stressed and somber individual to decide what path they choose to let their minds wander through. It sounds obvious doesn’t it? If this concept was really set in stone for everyone, we wouldn’t have a high number of lack of validation amongst the human race.

Solitude can be good for self-improvement purposes but if one is always worried and alone you may as well find yourself existent on your own little planet, bound to repetitive thought patterns and forgotten dreams, love never pursued, love eluded.

I believe we’re still here, we might be inhaling deep breaths that look so severe and life threatening. You’re here, you just can’t seem to find your way out of where you are, surely you’re not meant to be here, for when I see you, I see an individual that needs to tap into a supernatural realm that only they can make sense of. A place never endeavored. Something new nor borrowed.

Begin to envision a life that glimmers in darkness, a life that doesn’t have comfort but promises an assurance of safety. A life where you can count on yourself and not on another individual that breathes the same air as you do. Carry no camouflages. Go as you are and you shall surely emerge!

And maybe then will we teach our thoughts to be silenced, to stop reflecting on what has been, what is and what needs to be. Let’s be mindful of the “now” the “present”. Are we okay, Are we at peace? Why aren’t we smiling today? Some of the answers to these questions can range from obvious life challenges that include “whether or not you will have a meal on your table tomorrow”, why your debts are piling up, or simply due to” matters of the heart “an area which many have not uncovered yet. All these need not be answered. There’s a greater truth. This is where you should begin. Be hopeful.

-MisssMinnie